Sitting here drinking my Saturday morning coffee (it’s almost noon), my eyes focused on the back of a Whiskas Temptations cat treat bag. I had no idea how goddamn weird the Whiskas marketing team is.

The back of the bag reads:

Not to be savored but once a year, oh no! This girthy bird of paradise can be enjoyed each and every day. I’ll wrap myself in his arms of sustenance and sink my teeth into those delectable drumsticks! Gravy and stuffing, hah! The only thing that’ll be stuffed is me, once I devour this phenomenal fowl…mmmm…I need my Temptations treaaa…zZzZzzz…

Um. Yeah.

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